How Long Can You Keep A Dream?

Linh and I just booked our tickets to Finland.

One-way tickets.

Each cost over 2 months of my office salary.

I thanked myself for years of frugal living.

I remember seeing classmates snack joyfully afterschool, trying to ignore my craving and hunger. Like all the girls, I also want to be pretty, but I don't dare to spend 1-2 mil vnd on hairstyling or nearly a day wage on a lipstick. I've been saving anything I could, so today I have the funds for my dream.

I cried. Not sure if it's because of financial stress, self-pity, or last night staying up late, messing up my brain chemicals. Maybe all of them. How long have I dreamed of moving away? Since a walk to dump trash at around age 13. I wished I wouldn't have to return to my house. I was sick of that old path, of that damp dark alley, of my parents' suffocating marriage. But I had to endure it til this day. Twelve years.

A dream is a wish your heart makes,

when you're fast asleep.

In dreams you'll lose your heartaches,

whatever you wish for, you keep.

Have faith in your dream and some day,

your rainbow will come smiling through.

No matter how your heart is grieving,

if you keep on believing,

the dream that you wish will come true...

I always sang this Cinderella's song on my walks home. She was right. My dream is coming true.

I knew that everything comes at a price. But only now I realized the price is not just paid with money. I'm leaving Zin, my little old dog, the light in my darkest times. I held her in my arms and cried like when I was 3. Will my mom love her like I do? Zin needs hugs and rubs before bed and when she wakes up. Mmm does she need kisses? She shows no interest when I kiss her head and cheeks. But I do need to kiss her.

She is 9 years old. She may pass away when I'm away... But hey, we may reunite in other forms. Our souls are eternal. No need to be scared.

I'm reparenting myself if you notice. I'm my own baby. I'll raise this baby up into a fearless woman, give her the love, understanding, and protection she needs, show her new ways of thinking.

The thought of losing all we have for just a chance to improve our current conditions is scary. Nothing is guaranteed. But there is a scarier thought: rotting here all my life. It's a slow death. You're breathing but you aren't living. A withering flower you become.

I grant myself a chance to bloom.

Let's not waste this precious life.

So terrified but I'm taking the leap anyway.

As a fragile teenager, I survived. As an adult, I'm unbreakable.